~Hilary's blogtastic bloggage~

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Cheap Men and Hard Liquor December 4, 2009

Have you ever had a day when you couldnt do anything right? Ever had a month like that? Well do to a serious of events involving beer and cheap men and more hard liquor, my life is now a mess.

In the last month i have: Gotten dumped by my boyfriend, gotten in trouble with my parental units, lost two really good friends and have been shamed time after time at school. Courtesy of my advisor Ned and a few nameless classmates. Anyways it feels like the world is falling down around me and i have no one left to turn to. I hate to be the emo kid in the corner who’s dieing from the eternal blackness that envelopes my soul but i am just feeling down and i am hoping blogging might release some of the anger and stress in my everyday life. so far, it aint working but dont worry i have a few ideas on how to fix this little dilemma.

My advice to those of you that indulged in teenage tom foolery is after being grounded, sent away to military school or just getting an outstanding DUI, i highly suggest you go out there with your head held high and get even drunker than before because now you can correct the mistakes you made last time and most likely wont get caught in the same situation. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Life is a series of moments, seize yours! That is the best and most effective advice i can give to you my friend.

 

Hunter S Thompson Achieved the American Dream. November 19, 2009

“Hunter S Thompson is the bad ass intellectual friend your parents don’t want you to hang out with.”

              Have you ever had a friend your parents or peers don’t much care for? I think we have all been there, even politicians and authority figures have had a friend or acquaintance like that. Someone whose lifestyle doesn’t quite measure up to everyone else’s expectations of the social type you should be cavorting with. Well for the certain generation of the rich, famous and powerful that friend happened to be the gonzo journalist, Hunter S Thompson, bubba. (Bubba a reference to Bill Clinton, who’s nickname, as funny as it happens to be is, bubba. In addition, these side notes, like this one, happen to be everywhere in his books. So there’s another little inside joke for your enjoyment.) What I am trying to say is that everyone at some point or another has made friends with someone who is nothing like you but somehow they have a lot in common with you. This special kind of bad ass friend influences you to ditch out on your responsibilities to go behind a dumpster, per say, and smoke cigarettes for a while and discuss current issues; politics, sex, conspiracies and other dumpster talk.  For the politicians in the 1970’s to mid 1990s that friend was Hunter S Thompson. (For me that friend isn’t so much a friend but family, my brother. For the record, he talks about sex and I continuously tell him, I am his sister and don’t care to know about his sick fantasies besides… I’ve had better.)

                Aside, from Hunter Thompson being a total bad ass, he was an incredible writer, he wrote for The Rolling Stone and has at least 10 books published on various subjects. He is the Godfather of a writing style similar to dirty realism, a style known world wide as gonzo. (It is not titled after the puppet created by Jim Henson, that came after his time.) The saying goes, “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro”. That was Mr. Thompson’s trade mark saying for his gonzo journalism, you can find it referenced in some of his works and it is on the cover of almost every one of gonzo journals.  He also refers to himself as a “political junkie”, a term which sounds derogatory but actually it is negated as a positive term. Essentially it means having an addiction to politics, every waking and breathing moment is devoted to the study and analyses of modern politics. (It’s an insult to real politicians, unlike bloggers who whine about the injustices done to the green party and vegetarian animal loving Liberals’ and baby boomers that were and are hippies.)  

“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” – Hunter S Thompson

                I was assigned to read a book by Thompson and the one that really caught my eye was, Better than sex: confessions of a political junkie. This book was one of his later gonzo journals. It basically fallows the election race of 1992, candidates Bill Clinton and George Bush. At this time Thompson had (allegedly) given up the former life of being a political groupie, who moved from place to place with the candidate he was interested in but this election caught his attention and he gave his best efforts not to get involved. (He was so interested due to his burning hate for George Bush and basically his entire family and anyone in cahoots with him. As well as, the fact that he felt it was his main purpose in life to literally shit on the Republican Party and cause as much upset amongst the political parties and the American government as possible, from what I gather at least.)  However, on some occasions he was simply in the wrong place at the right time and got wrapped up in his former mistakes, past articles and publications connected with The Rolling Stone magazine. It was an inevitable situation that he would be a slave to politics for the rest of his life, weather he liked it or not. Once you’re in there is no getting out, that saying goes for any politician or aspiring politician, you have been warned, bubba.

                Mr. Thompson did much more than just follow political scandals and publically criticize the Republican Party. He was a pioneer for the counter culture of the American dream, Here you have the American dream a mythical life where everyone is happy with two kids a house, a healthy relationship with a spouse and the world turns round. WHHOOOPPIIEEE! Hunter Thompson introduced a generation to the darker or opposite side of that dream. This is the underground world of drug addictions, swingers and free living with no responsibility (financially and morally). Here you have a man rubbing elbows with societies finest, who embody and lobby for the progression of the very dream that the guy next to them (Thompson) doesn’t believe in, participate in or generally speaking doesn’t give a fuck about, that’s irony bubba.

“My Beat is the death of the American dream.” – Hunter S Thompson

                So far I haven’t really drawn any finally conclusions from his book but I am getting there. In the light of recent events I have drawn a few conclusions about politics in general, curious aren’t you. I’ll cut straight to the chase and let you ridicule and criticize me, so we can just get that over and done with, because I know that’s the main reason your reading this now. (We all know it, so I’ll put that out there. Besides, if I wasn’t grammatically outrageous and didn’t write exactly what I am thinking at this very moment, I’d end up letting you down and we don’t want that now, do we?)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

 Politics, economics and communication, three things high school student struggle to understand. However, I’ve learned a very valuable trick to help me better understand complicated subjects such as politics. What you have to do is find a similar system that can correspond with the system or subject you are studying. For example, the United Nations resembles to a typical high school, the main powers (China, Russia, England and America) are the popular kids who run the show. Then you have the bad ass kids (Cuba, Venezuela and ominous African Countries) on Sprague Avenue in a back alley talking trash about the popular kids and those countries tend to be communist run or dictatorships. It’s my belief that if you can understand the basic social workings of an average American high school then you should be able to comprehend politics at a very elementary level at least.

Do you remember ever playing a game called, Telephone? This comparison matches the game of telephone and communication between major powers in the world today. Telephone is a game in which a message must be passed from one end of a line to another without changing. Sadly, there is no possible chance of winning because even if your team is determined, there is always one funny guy a real class clown (Media) who thinks it will be funny to purposely change the message to something usually inappropriate. Today, a giant game of telephone is being played right in front of your eyes. From country to country, however, the message is changed viscously from place to place by news networks, radios talk shows, world leaders, and celebrities (Angelina Jolie, Bono and other hippie celebrities, looking for their 15minutes of fame because the acting/movie business has dried up and no one wants to hear their empty words and broken promises to change the world one song/film at a time.) ect. These are vigorous little lessons you can learn from an accesses of TV, paranoia, conspiracies and Hunter S Thompson. 

“Life is about balance, you can only achieve the American dream to a certain extent in this day and age.”

These are just some brief thoughts, which I found entertaining enough to jot down and share with you. All politics are, are vicious rumors, misunderstandings and poor communication.  The time has come again to rap up this rant and move on to a duller topic that has to be completed. If you can learn anything from Hunter Thompson I would say it has to be that life is about balance. You can achieve the American dream to a certain extent, as well as, living free with no responsibilities and swinging from partner to partner. In the end it all comes down to you and the choices you make everyday but if you ask me each life is fulfilling, I grew up in the light of the American dream, I made it through Clinton, Bush and  even the regime of the satanic Christine Gregoire. I have no doubt in my mind I will someday, find where I belong and I know I will be happy no matter where I end up.

 

Daniel Tosh is a sodding slag! October 12, 2009

Filed under: Supreme Stupido! — falcon9393 @ 6:59 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Dear Daniel Tosh and people assosiated with him,

How dare you danile tosh! how dare you, how could you steal my scarf joke and use it on Live at gotham! you bastard! we spent many beautiful nights together ( you talking on tosh.0 and me listening)!!!! i even visited your blog which sucked but i commented on how awsome you were but you know what you are a gay tard!

I cant believe it i invented and pioneered scarfism and you stole it from me and used it on live TV!!!!! I cried daniel tosh I cried! you are nothing to me! nothing i tell you!!!! your tv show sucks and you hardly pass as a camedian!! well you know what i like neigel lawrences more than you! he has a beard and isnt A man whore scarf stealing twat!

thats right i said twat bloggers!!!!

Sincerely:

Miss Aritza Gigantic

 

Optomistic Blogtation

People often blog about things they hate so today i am to blog about only good things! I call it The Optomistic Blogtation so sit back and watch me list things and not complain or negatively comment about them!

Political aspects I choose you!

  1. Obama even though i have posted frequently about how pale and unsatisfactory his blackness is i do actually very much like barak obama i love watching him on Super News on current TV!
  2. I enjoy sex scandals by polotitions i think they add greatly to our nations entertainment industry and E tv depends on them!
  3. Sarah palin, when she does talk. I respect her decious to step down as govner of alaska you go girl!
  4. I llike the political fashion. grey and dark grey suits are very inspiring accopmanied by a power tie!

People who are tollerable!

  1. Keanu reeves once again he is pale but if he was tan he would be as attractive plus i loved the matrix hail neo!
  2. Oprah without her my evenings would be boring and i wouldnt know who to turn to for anything and everything!
  3. Jesus no explanation there he is the shit! can u turn water into wine? i think not!
  4. Bill Kaulitz, without him hot topic would not have any merchanadice and the akward tween emo girls would have no one to whorship!
  5. Caleb Archer,despite popular belief i am actually secretly best friends forever or bffs with caleb dont get me wrong we have our little lovers quarrels but he is still the most amazing pug owning weirdo i know! Olaf may your squiched face live on!

 Pop-culture I enjoy!

  1. Kanye west he is afterall enjoyable both orally and not! you are the buttercup to my bubbles powerpuff girls forever bro! YOU ARENT A GAY FISH!
  2. Barak obamas democratic song, you will always be my favorite ring tone!
  3. Leg warmers, they said died in the 80’s but we will prove them wrong old calf warming friends
  4. emos, i cant get enough of you, both orally and not!
  5. Fat horse people, oh wait i lied oops!
  6. pikachu, you will forever have my heart i choose you pika!
  7. south park, the source of all knowledge (besides the internet and adrianna)

NICETHREAD

 

Hippies: The Devil’s Advocate September 24, 2009

Filed under: Neat-O! — falcon9393 @ 4:55 pm
Tags: , , ,

I hate hippies…I mean really really hate hippies! This may have influenced by my highly right winger grandfather. Ever since i was a child he has told me that hippies are gross so as joke i bought him a sign that states, Hippies must use the backdoor”. It was a peice of hevean for him and myself, I once saw a hippie hitchhiking on the side of the road i screamed out my car window take a shower u woodstock faggot! I menat every damn word!

let me list the things that hippies do that i hate!

1. drum circles

2. dreadlocks

3. Long boheimian skirts

4. Their  Dirty

5. Their music

6. The peace sign

7. Smoke for fun because people told them not

8. Their hatred for “the man”

9. Hippie vans

10. flip flops/ sandals

11. Their voices

12. Tie Dye

13. Basically their general existence

There is however one thing i hate more than hippies and that would be dolphins! I have a theory about flipper which you can catch on my next post. But if you ever wanted to truley affend me start by being a hippie and then put on a tie dye dolphin shirt. I will hurt you…badly…i wont lie!

kill_a_hippie

 

ADD Strikes Again!!! September 23, 2009

I was diagnosed with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) in the fourth grade and since then i have gotten away with murder and worse!  Basically everytime i did something bad or was scolded i would blame the issue on my ADD. For instance,” Hilary why did you piddle on the floor”, Me: “because i didnt take my medication today and i didnt realize i was doing something bad”.*tear*

Mwhahahahahaha XD!!!! Add strikes again!!! So basically my advise to people with ADD or any type of social disorder..use it while you can! Seven years later and i am still getting away with shit!!! Just know your boundaries and remember lie lie lie through your twisted teeth! If you think this is bad advice then you obviously havent taste the sweet satisfaction of manipulating authority figures!  If you dont add and wish to use this dont because you will get medication and be addicted to that then crack then speed and you eventually end up like madonna!

 

The writing process is over-rated like green day!

So my friend adrianna has brought to my attention that i am infact partcially  illiterate. I am here to tell you she is wrong I am technically retarded when it comes to writing a structured anything. Infact one summer i forgot how to spell my name and just my luck i spelled it wrong in perminate marker on my basketball and still have yet to live that down.

The truth is secretly im not illiterate im just lazy, i dont care if i spell over-rated wrong! i know its one one word and i know “its” should have an apastrophy between the t and s but once again i am on a coffee fueled rant and cant afford to be interupted for the pesky shift or anyother key to be frank.

In conclusion writing is like assembling a new stereo, i could read the instructions but i am smarter than that and there are to many words. So like 90% of the population ill assemble it get it wrong and in a rage finally retreat to the instructions. If i had read the instructions in the first place i would not be furious with the red and black wires.

What i just told you makes no scences and my therapists agrees with me, but the point is dont be lazy use spelling, punctuation and structure or you will look like a morron. Do as i say not as i do! i am the exception to the rule because i am better than you!

 

Friends dont let Friends be Indie! September 22, 2009

Dedicated to Bryce (B freakin Ryce) and all other Hipsters/indie kids/emos/activists/your mom

Indie the state of being retarded! No offence to you plaid protesting obscurity loving indie hipsters but ya’ll suck! Indie is definded as being a mild form of earache, more commonly known as a musical genre. Indie was created by scientist John Indie in 1987, and was the result of a violent chemical reaction caused by mixing cool and suicide together. Inspired both musically and literally by the mild form of earache of the same name, Indie’s fan base consists primarily of people who are too cool to care how bad their music sounds. -uncyclopedia.com

If you think  you might be indie then check symptoms below:

  • Lack of a sense of humour.
  • Acute elitism.
  • An overly judgmental personality, resulting in many wanting to kick your ass. (Was this article written by Indie Kids?)
  • Believing oneself to be smart, making an ass of yourself along the way.
  • Lack of a respectable dress sense.
  • A case of extreme pretentiousness.
  • The need to comment negatively on everyone’s music taste, except their own, which is perfect.
  • Constant need to prove their liberal politics, only to realize you don’t know what you’re talking about.
  • Regular visits to Buffalo Exchange and Urban Outfitters.
  • Non-stop bitching – about everything.
  • Become Narcissistic.
  • Notebooks filled with random Ben Gibbard/Conor Oberst lyrics that mean nothing.
  • Acting like a muso, without being able to play any instruments (well).
  • A fascination for grey clothes. (primarily sweaters)
  • At least one account on the following.
  1. Myspace (required, that is unless it’s viewed by the indie persons as mainstream).
  2. Last.FM.
  3. An elitist forum.
  • Finding anyone instantly attractive, regardless of gender or age if they share your elitist musical likes and dislikes.
  • Telling everyone that you belong to some crazy eastern religion that they’ve never heard of, even though you probably don’t actually practice it.
  • Using terms like “overly-pretentious”, all the while not knowing that you just described yourself.
  • excessive pastiness
  • regular beatings from black people
  • veganism
  • A severe disdain for emo kids, even though they’re not much different than yourself.
  • Hating America (If you’re american.)
  • Thinking you can somehow start a ‘moshpit’ to acoustic guitars and bad breath

Awareness is the strongest tool we have! friends dont let friends be indie!

knowledge is power!

 

Scarfism: A theory in Time!

I have a theory and yes it is a bitchen theory! Men that wear scarves are emotional and have self esteem issues as well. Obviously, they feel like their words are vulnerable so they cover their throats with soft decorative womans fabric!  Women should be the only people allowed to wear scarves, i repeat if you do not have a vagina please refrain from wearing  fabric around your neck or i’ll find you and hang you by it!

Also if you are currently dating a scarf wearing faggot, dump his ass asap! If you are gay and wish to adorn your neckline with fancy neck apperal feel free to do so unless you are the male/female in the relationship throwing that means you technically are lacking a vagina therefore breaking the most important concept of scrafism! However, if you are catching many happy scarf wearing days to you!

The last point i would like to make is no matter what type of genitalia you posses scarves shall be worn between the months of march-october, if you think its ok to wear a scarf during this period of time i will find you and make you eat it! If you dont like my scarf death threats then dont do it or your gonna be my scarf bitch!

In conclusion scarfs should not be abused and this is a subject i am most passionate about since i am the founder the pioneer and god of scarfism! Well, you have a fantastic day and may the scarf be with you!